God is Able

christ, faith, faithfulness, god, identity, jesus, prayer, theology

Saturday I had the blessing of spending a few hours with my teenager sister while she copped my WiFi.  We watched a Mythbusters episode together, where they proved it is scientifically impossible to be buried alive and escape.

This was comforting.

Why? Because that means no Zombie apocalypse. Unless it’s Walking Dead style.

Why else? Because it exemplifies what Christ did.

Now, I know that his grave is way different from our graves…I get that.  But for a while (and don’t cry “heretic” out to me) I forgot how magnificent it is that Christ rose from the dead.

Not only that he rose from the dead, but that he rose others from the dead.  He healed the sick, the  handicapped, and the diseased. He gave hope to the hopeless and changed ridiculously lost people into the examples by which we lead our Christian walks by.


For a while…and I hate to admit it…I forgot two central truths:

God can do anything.

God can save anyone.

For a while, I wasn’t sure of this; at least, I wouldn’t have admitted it out loud. In fact, I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t sure of this.  It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realized that I wasn’t operating my life based off of these truths.  And when you’re not walking, you stop talking.

You see, these truths radically change the way that you live.  It means that nobody is too far of a reach to pray for.  It means that you don’t just complain about people, but pray for a change of heart in them.  And speaking of prayer, it radically changes your prayer life.  Prayer isn’t just a time of asking, but a time of believing that it can actually be done.


At one time, these truths provided me hope and comfort…..and I want to cling to them again.  Because, if God can move mountains, then God can save my family from drug addiction.  And if Christ can raise from the grave (which I watched on Mythbusters yesterday is scientifically impossible) then Christ can raise up my teenagers from their sin. If God can lead adulterers and bigots and prostitutes and cheaters and hypocrites to him and use them as leaders, why could God not lead certain people in my life to salvation?

God can do it.

I know he can.

And as soon as I realized this in the least bit, I saw it happen in a huge way. I really did.  God is working in the lives of the people I didn’t think he can save, and he is slowly moving them away from their addictions to sin.  Can I get a stinking Hallelujah?

God is able.

I never again want to get in that dark place of not believing that.

Feeling Boujie

Blogs about Heather, christ, faithfulness, fun video, identity, media, music, testimony

Holy cow, I can’t even describe how I’m feeling right now.  5 years ago, I was dirt poor both physically and emotionally.  I surrendered my life to ministry and went off to college, and my life drastically changed.  When I had my first hot shower in three years, I knew things were going to be different.  And while I’ve recently had some bits of financial blessing, it’s the love that I have discovered from my friends and Christ that make me feel boujie.

I’m sure all of my white friends are like, “What’s boujie?” Boujie is when a person acts as if they are rich (they may or may not be, in my particular culture it means they aren’t). So, usually this has a negative connotation. Yet I feel like I’m living life as if it has value, as if I have value. I feel like I have it all (even when my bank account says otherwise). I am boujie.

For fun, I included this video to describe the word “boujie”…and an insight to my life living in St. Louis ;) (excuse the one curse word)

My Identity Crisis

Blogs about Heather, faithfulness, identity, spiritual gifts

I’m a fresh graduate with a Bachelor’s of Science in Christian Ministry with an emphasis in Youth and a minor in Theology.

While that feels good to SAY, it’s not doing me much good right now.  In a leap of faith, or stupidity, or something like that, I moved back to St. Louis in order to help out with my family.  And while the last month has been fruitful in my relationship with my sister, moving her into my grandparents and giving her somebody constant for once in her life, I am still unemployed. I’m not one to not have anything to do; last year I was a full-time student, worked a draining job for 32+ hours a week, and also worked at a church.  So I was pretty stinking busy!  This month has been great, but I’m out of money, out of patience, and out of sanity.

It’s not all my fault that I’m unemployed, let’s be honest.  I’ve been offered three jobs, but I rejected them, knowing that there is SOMETHING out there that is hand-picked, God-ordained for me.  In my confusion, I applied for a Children’s Minister position in a very rich West County suburb of St. Louis.  Does any part of that sentence make sense to anyone?  I got very far in the process, and basically had it when I woke up one morning and said, “NO.”  What was I thinking?  I’ve been called to ministry with TEENAGERS.  My spiritual gifts of exhortation and teaching would be extremely overlooked in children’s ministry.  Could I have done a “good” job?  Of course.  But I wouldn’t be serving the body of Christ properly had I taken that job.  

All this to say, this summer has been CRAZY. I thought the identity crises would end when I exited college, but they seem to be even worse among me and my fellow college graduates!  It’s weird having a degree, and feeling like you have to beg someone to hire you.  It’s harder having a degree in ministry, knowing that God has called you to something and trying to be faithful to that; yet still not having a way to pay bills. But have I mentioned how faithful GOD has been?  He has been so faithful in providing all of my needs, and I am reminded of how He IS my identity, and all I really need is in Him.  I also humbly remind myself and my colleagues that ministry isn’t a position, but a calling.  I don’t need to be in a church to do ministry.  Ministry is my LIFE.

I have an interview on Tuesday with an organization that helps at-risk youth around STL.  I’m excited about the opportunity, yet sad because I have to start with an overnight position and try to work my way up.  But hey, it’s full-time, pretty good pay, plus I get benefits.  Not gonna complain if I get it!  And it’s better than the other jobs I’ve been offered, because I am confident that my gifts can be used to edify the Church, even if it’s not in a church.

A “No Pain, No Gain” Theology

Blogs about Heather, christianity, depression, faith, faithfulness, testimony

I read my sister’s journal.  I don’t even feel bad about it.  She spent part of Christmas break at my apartment, and she left her journal behind.  Now I know from experience that if you truly don’t want someone reading your journal, you protect it with your life.  Not only did the girl not have a lock on it, but she left it chilling on my dining room table.  The girl was calling out for me to read it.
My family has been going through some interesting things lately.  My parents have both separately failed to provide and it has left them individually homeless.  My mother is living at a hotel and my father at his mother’s house.  My sister is left hanging in between.  There is a lot to the story that I’m not mentioning, out of honor to my parents and for the desire to protect my sister.  Needless to say, I’m angry about the situation.  I talk to my sister about it, and she won’t tell me anything negative about how she feels.  She tells me these stories of junk that they do, but shows no emotion.  I pry, and get nothing.
So when she left her journal, I jumped at the chance to read it.  And what I read, I felt.
I called her and told her I read it, because I’m a good big sister ;).  I asked her why she hadn’t been telling me what she had been feeling—because her emotions were deep and hurting.  She stated, “Heather, I’m a Christian.  God gave me these things to go through, and I just have to do it.  I can’t be angry or physically do anything about it because it’s the Christian thing to just sit through it and take it.”
Since when did God command us to have no emotions?  Since when did God tell us to be content with the sin that takes place around us?
The sad thing is, my sister is not the only one who feels this way about her circumstances.  Countless Christians “just deal” with their situations because they feel that’s the “Christian” thing to do.  They say, “Well Job dealt with worse than me, and he remained faithful.”  Have you read Job?  Job remained faithful, but he also ripped his clothing and mourned over his circumstances.  Even Christ, when realizing that he would be sacrificing himself, asked God for another way.  Paul begged God three times to take the thorn in the flesh away.  These three men show us that there is no dichotomy to “being upset about a circumstance” and “trusting God.”  They can be synonymous.  It is healthy to feel emotions, even to be angry.  When you bottle that up and don’t express it, do you truly even trust God?  How can you trust God with your heart when you don’t even bear it to him?
I’m not saying you have to become “emo” and update your Facebook status every ten minutes telling everyone how crappy your life is.  What I’m saying is, mourn your circumstances.  Pray for the people hurting you.  If you have the power to change something that is hurting you, ask God for the strength to change it.  Trust that God will mold your desires to match his.  And rest in the promise that everything will work for the good of those who trust in the Lord according to His perfect will.

Being Thanks

Blogs about Heather, christianity, faithfulness, testimony

I’ve been through a lot lately.  There was an incident at the residence facility that I work at that, quite honestly, gave me “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”  My mother just lost her house.  I’ve already told you about my car hitting a horse and getting totaled. Things at church are a little dry.  School has been, eh (plus I graduate in 179 days and am freakin out).  I’ve been pretty discouraged in many things.

But I remain in having hope.  I know that the Lord is faithful; I’ve attested to that many times.  I wrote about in the spring how someone said that my faith in His provision was “irrational”.  I still see Him providing.  I still remain hopeful.

Is this what you look like when you give
thanks to God in the “bad things?

This week is Thanksgiving.  I have so much to be thankful for.  I feel like God has conditioned me, no matter the circumstance, to count myself blessed and to give thanks.  Thankfulness isn’t just about being thankful FOR things, but being thankful IN ALL things.  God gives, and he takes away; but his faithfulness endures throughout it all.  Can you honestly say that you are thankful IN ALL things?  And I’m not talking about the “My life is crappy. But God is still good!” and gritting your teeth with a fake smile.  Christians do that all the time, and sometimes I feel like I hear “God is so good” when people are going through the “bad things” more than when they are going through the “good things”.  I’m talking about LIVING OUT thanks. Having a thankful SPIRIT.  Living each moment knowing that you are blessed in ALL things.

God has conditioned me to live this way!  Life is so tough sometimes. Sometimes I want to be the old, depressed, self-centered Heather that centered her problems on herself.  But God has taught me that life is so much bigger than me, that He has a bigger purpose set for me.  So when I am faced with a situation, I rarely have the attitude, “Woe is me.”  I brush it off my shoulders and wait for God’s greater purpose.  I am LIVING thankfulness.

My college pastor told me that this is a lesson that most people learn when they are old.  He said that I was blessed to have learned this now.  How much heartache am I saving myself? (not that I haven’t experienced any to get to this point ;) )

My encouragement to those reading this not to GIVE thanks, but to BE it.

(wow, that was a lot of CAPS.)

Great is Thy Faithfulness

faithfulness, god, testimony

I had a rough day, so I need to remind myself of all of the things that God has specifically done for me as an individual to exhibit his Great Faithfulness.

God showed his grace to my sister, and she is now a passionate follower…and sometimes gives me great wisdom :)

When I prayed for an internship, he gave me one that rocked my world, changed my life, and affirmed my passion in ministry.

When I prayed for Christian fellowship while home in STL, it was granted in ways I never expected. I found new friendships and strengthened old ones.

I asked for more Christian brothers. And I now have a plethora, and that list grows seriously daily.

I begged God to send me Christian women. Through my internship, I met some wonderful women who constantly bless my life.

God sent a few people recently who revealed that I had blessed their Christian walks when I was young. Like, real young. One remembered my name from meeting me when I was 12 and contacted me.  Another was a Sunday School teacher.  God showed me how I have developed since. Amazing :)

God granted my prayer and has sent me some truth-tellers who tell me like it is. I can now reform.

God always provided when my parents couldn’t.

After my internship, I asked, “Now what?”  And God showed me what I desired most, and then gave it to me. I am a youth minister now. Still weird to say out loud.

When I was mad at God for not letting me be an RA this year, he showed me that’s not what I really wanted. I desired true discipleship, and there were much greater ways for me to do that.  Then he gave me this amazing discipleship group that I get to hang out with. And they like listening to me talk. whoa, God is crazy good :)

God gave me the most amazing rainbow of my life in the middle of a time where I was distressed.

For years and years and years I begged God to help me get rid of my depression.  I read a chapter of a book (and i don’t EVER read, unfortunately) and almost overnight I was better.

Every time I’ve ever prayed for a job, I’ve gotten one.

I’ve prayed away heartaches, headaches, hunger, and lack of heat. God always provides.

I get comments on my blogs sometimes. Always a prayer answered, that maybe something I have said resonates with someone besides myself :)

Even when I am not faithful…

christianity, faithfulness, god, testimony
God is incredibly faithful. I know this sounds like a cliché thing to say, but it is so incredibly true. At camp last week, I had the opportunity of taking an extra class with some of my high school girls that I’m leading as an intern this summer at a church. The class was called Digging Deeper, and it was about digging deeper into the Word of God and how to study it. The young lady who led the class said something that stuck with me—Having a relationship with Christ is more than believing IN Him, but BELIEVING Him. Duh! Haha. But I needed this to become true in my life.
One night at camp I was talking to God as I was falling asleep. I began to thank Him for a particular person that He put in my life that has become a spiritual brother to me, who has been constantly affirming me and speaking Truth. As I was talking to God, I stopped and started to cry. I realized that He answered my prayers, in more ways than I even thought! Going into this summer, some of my biggest prayers were for women to be in my life as disciplers and mentors. There were a few women from the church who were small group leaders for the high school girls. Throughout the week they were encouraging and inspirational to me, and lifted me up constantly. I realized that the Lord answered my prayer, which really has been something I have wanted my whole life. I have never really had women in my life as spiritual advisors (I’ve had two—my old youth leader who left my life in the eighth grade and my old boss. We could also maybe count my grandma). What a blessing from the Lord! And at the end of the week, one of the women told me that she wanted to continue a relationship with me. I am entirely in awe of this. I can’t even believe that this is happening. I mean, I SHOULD believe it, because I KNOW from experience and Scripture that MY GOD can do ANYTHING!
I could use prayer in one area—I need to be more confident in my knowledge. I am incredibly intelligent and have a lot of potential, but I am not exercising that. I am dumbing myself down and constantly telling myself how unfit I am as a teacher and discipler. I know that the Lord has incredibly equipped me for the jobs He has me doing. I trust in that. But I need confidence in it. I am a great teacher. I know how to relate to students. I love to study. I have lots of knowledge and even wisdom (I am not trying to boast in this, I have only obtained this through the Lord’s equipping of me and seeking after Him for it). It’s time for me to be confident in it. I am NOT a ditz. I think critically and philosophically, time to show it! I know this seems like an odd request, but I could use some prayer warriors for this :).