28 More of my Worst Dating Moments

Blogs about Heather, love, Millennial in Ministry, Relationships, single in ministry

Right before my 26th birthday, I came out with a list of my most memorable and terrible dating moments. It went “viral,” at least, in my world. I STILL have people bring up this post at parties and gatherings, which usually ends up with people huddled around a phone, laughing at my misery. If you missed that post, stop and read it here.

I have had many more crazy moments, some I didn’t share in the last one and several more that I experienced in the short 6 months between that post and falling in love. One of the things I most enjoyed since my last post is how many women have opened up to me, confessing their own tales of horror.

As I said in my last post, opening up about these moments takes some vulnerability–even though I was intentional and careful about dating, I still found myself dealing with creeps. Unfortunately, we live in a culture where our first thought is “How’d you find yourself in this situation?” and end up blaming the woman. That said–don’t judge, just enjoy:

  1. The guy who, when I asked what his favorite genre of movies is, he responded with, “Well, I really liked Mall Cop 1, but I hated the sequel.”
  2. The guy who broke up with me through text saying, “You’re a Proverbs 31 woman, and I would have loved that in college, but you’re too good for me today.” He didn’t get far enough with me to have known that I resent that passage.
  3. The guy who texted me every day for two months after I broke things off with him, each time saying “you’re pretty and I miss you.” You’re desperate and I’m blocking you.
  4. The guy who messaged me 6 months after breaking up with “How’s your bod?”
  5. The guy who randomly messaged me a year after we dated with “Sometimes you just need to make out with a pastor and get some holy kissin’ in.”
  6. The guy who I met online, and we quickly established that he was another local UMC youth director. Five minutes into chatting he asks me if I want to “come over and snuggle.” Lawd.
  7. The guy who, after several months of flirting online, we finally go on a date. Afterwards he texts me, “are you okay with having sex before marriage?” The guy was the worship pastor at his church.
  8. The guy who ghosted me (I was okay with it, to be honest), but several months later texts me to check in with me because he still thinks I’m a decent person. He said that he ghosted me because he “just can’t have sex with a youth pastor.” As if there was an offer?
  9. The guy who, after a month of dating and after a really great date, immediately texted me: “I think things are going really great with you, and I can see this going somewhere. First you just need to accept my devout atheism.” …how is this the first time this came up? (okay, enough with text tragedies)
  10. The guy who moved here from California a week before our first date. I asked him why he moved and he said that he felt like God told him to, and he didn’t know why yet. After Facebook stalking him, he moved to Indiana because God told him he was going to find a wife. And he told all his family and friends that. In a public Facebook post.
  11. The guy who knew I was cooking dinner for him for the first time, and then showed up three hours late. It was my first time ever cooking for a man. Ever. But I pressed on.
  12. Another guy who, on the first time I cooked him dinner, I asked if he had any allergies. He said none, but apparently he was severely lactose intolerant. He spent 20 minutes in my bathroom after dinner.
  13. The guy who I didn’t realize was ghosting me; I thought he was just wrapped up in finals week in his last semester of grad school. Being the wonderful woman I am, I made him a finals week care package and left it on his front porch. I didn’t hear from him again.
  14. The guy who wouldn’t let me eat any of the nacho cheese from our pretzel app on the first date. I made a joke about how people in Indiana like to dip everything in nacho cheese, so he told me I couldn’t have any. I sat there and choked down a dry pretzel…and tears. I love cheese.
  15. The guy who thought it was appropriate to put his hand in my bra on the first date. Before you judge me–he was too slick. Obviously he had some practice.
  16. The first time I went over to a guy’s house, he had me drive around the neighborhood for thirty minutes because his mom had decided to pop in.
  17. The guy who gifted me a copy of “The Mist” on our third date because I said I liked scary movies.
  18. The guy who texted me all day before our first date, asking me what he should wear and what I would want to order when I got there.
  19. The guy who couldn’t stop staring down my dress on our first date as I was talking.
  20. The guy who, on our first get-to-know-you date, kisses me on the couch of my favorite coffee shop. And when I laugh and pull away, he kisses me again. Don’t ruin coffee for me, dude.
  21. The guy whose apartment had no furniture but a futon and a card table, with mallard wallpaper on the walls of his duplex.
  22. The guy who parks his car in the shed behind his house. You know, with a padlock.
  23. The guy who, on our second date, suggested we carpool downtown because he had a “really great parking spot.” The parking spot was a mile away from where we were going.
  24. The guy who invited me to dinner on our second date, then asked me if I minded paying for my own. Then he says to me, “I”ll get your drink though” and gave me a wink…as if paying for my $4 drink was a favor. 
  25. The guy who gave me two craft beers on our second date because I told him I was into craft beer–in truth, it was a thoughtful gift, but I had a terrible gut-feeling about him. Later in a text message he was very forward with me about progressing the relationship, so I told him that he was moving a little too fast for me and that I didn’t want to have another date. My gut feeling about him was correct: He got angry with me, and demanded that I give him the beers back. As in, threatened me. I told him that he could get the beers from the nearest police station, if he so liked.
  26. The guy who I wasn’t dating, but this is still a dating story: My good friend liked him, and we all went out one night dancing. He put a kiss on me, and I told him that I wasn’t into him. He disappears, and next thing we know we’re all asked to leave. We still don’t know what he did to get all of us kicked out, but the manager was clear that it was his fault. When I reject guys, clearly they go crazy.
  27. The guy who, when we were messaging on the dating app, had an entire conversation using Beyonce lyrics. I was hopeful. But in person…..his personality was terribly dry. Just awful.
  28. The guy who wanted to take me out to a nice breakfast, and we ended up at Perkins. I’m not knocking Perkins, just don’t tell me Cracker Barrel is gourmet.

Apologies to the men who are reading about themselves. Maybe next time, to the next woman, try not to be so lame? ;)

**As an aside–the picture that I picked for the header to this post is from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and I used to joke that it was my dream come true to kiss a man with a cat between us. How my life has become just that!


Lessons from my one-eyed cat

god, love

I have a cat.

A one-eyed cat.

Most of my friends know this–my Facebook and Instagram were covered with pictures of her for a while, and while I’ve slowed down on snapping every cute thing she does, I post about her regularly.

Iris is very affectionate. She is always begging for love, and it can be pretty annoying. She always wants to be petted and cuddled. She’s also very vocal,, so she mews and mews and does a weird cry so you’ll pet her. And in the middle of the night, when she’s all alone, her cries as she roams my home sound like, “Hewwo, hello???”

I promise it is cute–most of the time.

This morning, Iris interrupted my prayer time meowing, so I held her as I prayed.   I just asked God to use this time to speak to me, when she jumped out of my arms and began crying out. I said, “Iris, I had you in my arms. Why did you jump out? It’s your own fault that you’re upset.”

And that’s when it dawned on me:  God always has room for us, room for affection and love and grace.

We are the ones who reject it, run away from it. And yet, we are the ones complaining loudly., treating God as if he is the one who abandoned us.

We are like my annoying, affectionate, vocal cat.  And just like I love Iris and think she’s the best animal on the planet, God has the feels for us even more.

(PS: When I named Iris, I named her part because of the eye situation, part because I love old lady names, and part because of the Goo Goo Dolls song. The entire song is about a person who feels Isolated, but wants so badly to be loved. I didn’t know Iris the cat well enough to understand how fitting this would be. Ha.)

This is Love.

Blogs about Heather, love, testimony

I found this on Facebook the other day and was thinking… NAILED IT!

Just in case you can’t read that…

What is Love? By Emma K. Age 6.

Love is when you’re missing some of your teeth

but you’re not afraid to smile

because you know your friends will still love you even though some of you is missing. <3

I have thought about this quite a bit lately, actually.  I’ve been thinking about my own journey to the Lord, and how I consistently tried to prove to him how “unworthy” I was, especially for ministry.  No matter what sin I committed to make him “not love me” anymore, he showed me so much grace that I knew he would love me, flaws and all. Read Monday’s post if you want more on that ;)

I also thought about how blessed I am to have friends who mutually love each other, without conditions. It doesn’t matter the miles between us, the time that passes, or the sass that is bound to happen… we love each other, flaws and all. Even when parts of us are hurt (even by each other at times) we’ve learned to love regardless.

Gahhh. Fantastic.

And of course: I’m blown away she knows the difference between “you’re” and “your” at the age of 6. Take some lessons, friends. ;)

You remind me of God.

christianity, church, discipleship, friendship, god, identity, love, Relationships

When is the last time you looked at someone you despise (because, let’s admit it: you don’t like everyoneand was able to pick out characteristics in them that remind you of God?

I was asked this about some people in my life who hurt me, and I really struggled: It’s easy to find things about a person we don’t like, but what about things we like about them?  Better yet, what are some things in them that remind me of God?

Being able to say, “I see God in you” has impacted my relationships with those I struggle with.  I’m now able to say to them: “You are very creative. It reminds me of God.” “You are outgoing. It reminds me of God’s boldness.” “The way you love people reminds me of God.” It has radically impacted relationships…and even if they don’t appreciate the comment, it helps my heart to focus on these things.

Let’s expand here and think outside our “enemies.”  When is the last time you encouraged a friend, telling them you see the Lord in them?  For me, almost never. When a friend told me how I remind her of God, it only confirmed what I was learning: It changes people when they hear how they relate to the Creator of the universe.

So here is your homework for this week: Focus on a few people in your life–at least one friend and one not-so-much–and tell them what you see in them that reminds you of God. What message is more powerful than that?

Two articles that changed the way I think and minister to teens about sex and relationships.

love, Relationships, women, youth ministry


A little over a year ago, I took my purity ring off. Not because I was swearing off the idea of ever getting married… I just didn’t want it on anymore.

For one, I’m tired of the awkward conversations.  I was tired of people asking me questions about it, because what was I supposed to say?

“I’m waiting until marriage to have sex.” Great, a post-graduate virgin that no one wants to have sex with.

“I’m giving my heart to Jesus until he brings me a man.” Great, yet another young woman “waiting” for a man.

“I’m waiting for God to finish working on a man that will be perfect for me.” Yeah, because I obviously have no work to be done.

So here, a year later, I still have it off. Why?

Waiting assumes that one’s coming…and God may be calling me to singleness. And I mean, I have to be okay with that. Additionally, I have to minister to teen girls and show them that I’m okay with that, because God may be calling any one of them as well. To constantly preach the message to young girls that they need to “wait?” And to celebrate in that waiting? What? Have you every seen a teenager like to wait for anything?

I used to love the song by Superchick called “Average Girl.” The chorus goes “No more dating, I’m just waiting. Like Sleeping Beauty, my prince will come for me, he’ll come for me. No more dating, I’m just waiting. ‘Cause God is writing my love story, my love story.” I used to love that song as a teenager, because I would think “God is preparing someone for me. My prince is going to come. It’s going to happen.”

I feel like teaching our young ladies to “wait” is setting them up for disaster. Have you talked to a young woman about relationships lately?  She will tell you how ticked she is, because she has been waiting like she was told to do, yet no one is coming.  And don’t dare tell her that she needs to trust God more, or that she needs to clean some sin from her life. Because although in some cases that may be true, that’s not true for every case. Some women aren’t supposed to wait…we need to teach that as a reality and not as an alternative lifestyle.


I stocked up on True Love Waits material ever since I signed that pink card and put it on the bulletin board at church at age of 13. I requested a personalized purity ring for my 16th birthday. I even made my own students at church sign that card as well.

So when I started working with at-risk teens, many of whom are teen mothers, and began learning about the way the church has handled their “promiscuity,” “debauchery,” and “fornication” (crazy how they know these words and can’t even read past the 5th grade) I began changing my view of how we teach about sex.

Dr. Kara Powell said at SYMC conference in March 2013: “We have made sexual purity the litmus test for Christianity.” We have taught this to our teens: Once you have sex, it’s over. You’re done. When a teenager comes to us and says they have had sex, we put them at arm’s length and pray for their sweet lost soul.

We teach that if a teenager has sex, they are like a piece of gum that has been chewed. Once chewed, it will never be the same again. We tell them that they’ve given away a piece of their self away that they can never retrieve. We tell them that if they have any sexual contact outside of marriage, they are cheating on their future spouse, and that spouse may not want them if the hear of that person’s sin.

We need to change how we talk about sex:  Not treating it as the unforgivable sin. Sure we talk about a “second virginity” and being a “born-again virgin.” But that doesn’t do anything for the morale; because although we say they are redeemed, we say in the exact same Sunday School lesson that they are that chewed-up piece of gum.

Especially since many of our young ladies may become victims of sexual abuse. Pushing this message actually tells them that they aren’t worthy of ever being loved. That they will never be able to have a marriage with good, Godly sex because a piece of them was given away, whether they wanted it to or not. So why pursue Godliness? Why wait for this perfect man when they aren’t worthy of him? Might as well continue a life of “fornication.”

I have a close friend who believes she is damaged goods: She made a mistake and had sex. And she can’t stop. She, too, was a fan of True Love Waits and advocated it. She had the purity ring, she read “Lady in Waiting.” But she can’t stop. She started because she had low self-esteem, but now she believes she has no value at all, because she gave what was meant for her husband to other men.  I have other friends who have left the church because they were told they were whores; they weren’t told to their faces, but they were taught through the way we teach about sex.

Andy Mineo raps in “You Will” : “You’re never too far to be made new. They said you damaged goods? That ain’t true.”

Dang. How much do women need to hear this?

You are not damaged goods.

I don’t even know how to begin fixing the damage we’ve done, but I’m trying to do one thing: Love my teenagers (and my single girl friends) and show them that they are still worthy of love, and that it’s never too late to be pure in God’s eyes. That I won’t treat you any differently because you messed up, because you got pregnant at 14, or because you were a victim of sexual abuse. You’re not just some piece of gum. You are God’s crowning work of creation.

Don’t just "understand" the other side, EMPATHIZE.

america, Blogs about Heather, christianity, church, faith, freedom, leadership, lgbtq, love, sin, social activism, theology, unchurched
I have half a dozen or so documents in my laptop right now of “potential blogposts” of different rants and ramblings about politics; from Chick-Fil-A to the ability for a Christian to vote different political parties to my stance on gay marriage, I have been wanting to speak out for a while now.  But I have held back.  Why?  Because there are others who can say it better.  Because I’m no expert.  Because I’m still learning.

That is what I want to emphasize today in my all-encompassing post on politics, ethics, and anything else that seems to matter these days.  I am extremely irritated with the election, as both “sides” of the United States are exposing their dirty ignorance and disregard for people who do not agree with them.  It is this mentality of, “If a person does not agree with my political stance, which is the only way, then their entire character must be attacked publicly.”  One day I posted on Facebook, “I think it says a lot about President Obama’s character for him to visit Joplin a year after the tornado came through.”  I wasn’t making a political statement, just a statement of appreciation for the remembrance of a small town near me that had been devastated by a storm.  One parent of one of my youth wrote, “I think we should all worry about Heather’s character.”  Then a full-fledged debate began on my status about gay marriage, Obama being a dirty Muslim from Kenya, etc.  One of my friends wrote, “Shame on all of you.  This status wasn’t about any of that.”  And it wasn’t, but to many Christian brothers and sisters that I respect, a politician that they don’t agree with can’t have any redeeming qualities.

I think it’s extremely dangerous to claim to hold absolute knowledge of any subject.  I’m sure some of you are shocked, as I am a Christian and you probably are too; how can I say that I don’t know undoubtedly that God exists?  Simply, if I knew it wouldn’t be called faith.  I know it in my heart, but empirically I do not know that.  I’m not a skeptic, and I’m not saying that if I don’t know things, that I can’t express my opinions on them; in fact my faith in God precedes all other faiths I have and consequentially demands me to express that faith.  The point I’m trying to make is:  It is extremely important to be empathetic to opinions that differ from your own, for you do not know your opinions to be fact.  In fact, it becomes dangerous when you claim to know it all and aren’t empathetic.

Why?  Because once you claim to hold the key to knowledge on a particular subject, you get arrogant.  You push people away from you with your words and your attitude.  For example:  Those Christians who are outspoken about gay marriage push people who agree with it away; it scars the LGBTQQ community and its allies and pushes people away from the Christ who ate meals with prostitutes, tax collectors, and the self-righteous.  Christians (and everyone else) definitely have the right to discuss their opinions and alleged knowledge on a subject; but if we aren’t empathetic of the other side, we can and will push them away.  I took some time trying to understand the LGBTQQ community a few years ago when a group came to my conservative Christian university to speak out against our allegedly persecuting contract that we had to sign in order to be a student there.  Instead of pushing my doctrine, I took the time to listen; a time of learning and growth.  Once I heard the stories of how they’ve been treated by people inside the Church, I began to understand that it’s not necessarily my place to indoctrinate a homosexual upon meeting them (and that’s just the beginning of that journey).  It went without being said what I believed.  I spent time trying to be empathetic, not with the sole goal of strengthening my argument, but because there were things on the other side of the debate that I never even considered.  And my opinion, although not perfected today, has come a long way.

I think this is also apparent in the Neo-Calvinist movement within the SBC, trying to take it back to its supposed Calvinistic roots and forcing churches to adhere to them and teach them as if it’s an essential truth in order to believe in God.  Every time I found out someone that I knew was a Calvinist, I would judge them.  I am currently very sympathetic to Calvinism, but took a long time telling anybody; I was fearful that I would be labeled as an arrogant, close-minded reformer like many of the Neo-Calvinist leaders are looked at. Also, I’m not 100% sure on any of it.  I once thought I was when I was anti-Calvinist, and then I read scriptures and listened to people and changed my mind.  I might change my mind again.  But more importantly, why is it necessary to be sure on this topic?  It cheapens God’s sovereignty in my claim that I am all-knowing on any subject.  When we become face-to-face before God, we’re going to learn that a lot of our political, ethical, and even religious beliefs were wrong (I honestly can’t wait for God to go, “Heather, remember how you were so arrogant about __? Well, you were wrong, and there’s grace for you because I was more important to you than even that.”).

This goes beyond politics and quarrels within the Church.  This comes to our everyday life.  It is well-heard, “Before you judge someone, walk in their shoes.”  I think it’s dangerous to form an opinion, and especially to claim knowledge of a subject, without hearing all sides.  More than hearing them, but understanding them (taking their place and walking in their shoes).  Understanding a side different than yours takes more than reading a few books or listening to a few podcasts.  It takes learning from people, talking with people.  This should be especially true within the church.  We are to be in community with one another, and it strongly discredits Christ’s love for the Church when we break off communion with one another on topics that we haven’t taken the time to understand.  Maybe that person is a Calvinist because they don’t believe they could have found God without Him choosing them.  Maybe that woman hates hymns because she didn’t make it past 8th grade and has a small vocabulary.  Maybe that man isn’t a fan of small groups because his last one gossiped the entire time.  Maybe that man doesn’t come to church on Sundays because the only job he can find works those days.  Maybe that woman is pro-choice because her sister could have died in a pregnancy.  Maybe that Christian man is a Democrat because the fight against social injustice overrides the need to ban gay marriage.  Maybe that lady is for gay marriage because she separates legal marriage from covenant relationships.  Instead of judging people, understand them.  You don’t have to agree, but you don’t even need to tell them that either (with proper discourse, that will naturally come in a non-pushy way).  You just need to see people the way Jesus sees them: broken, fallen, and beautiful.  Christ sees you that way too.  You are just as much His bride as the rest of the Church; in fact, you are His bride together and that entails the need for empathy.  And at the end of the day, if you still disagree with them, that doesn’t mean their entire character should be shattered, especially if they are a follower of Christ; if you agree on the essential truths of salvation, then you are still a part of the Church and should edify one another.

Occasionally, you are going to run into a person who says while debating with you, “I’m listening to you, but I’ve heard this all before.  I’ve thought through this topic and have my opinion.”  This translates, “I’m listening to your comments, but I already know all there is to know on the subject and there is no new information you can give me.  There is no point in debating me, because I won’t change my mind but will debunk all your arguments in the most mocking way I can.”  THIS. IS. DANGEROUS.  I can’t tell you how much I have thought through, prayed through, and talked through different topics.  I may have strong opinions on subjects, but the day I claim to have it all together: please take me out of the local church before I infect people with my arrogant ignorance. Can you tell I am hurting right now?  Yes.  Because I used to be the person who was arrogant to think that they knew it all and only struck up debates to be the smart conqueror of them.  Because right now, people are discrediting me for being provocative in thinking and trying to be the “Devil’s Advocate” and understand both sides of issues.  But primarily because in a world where we have tragedies such as mass murders, children starving, public shootings, and great moments of glory like the young people beast-moding the Olympics; we are more concerned about our disagreement with a single politician or company that supports an ethic stance that differs from ours than for understanding our brothers and sisters.

ps, as I finish this post, I’m like “what do I even name this?!” hah.

Prepare Me


I’m about to go all emo on you, so if you don’t want to read about the depths of a young single woman’s heart, don’t continue to read.  I just need to blog it out.

I warned you.

No, really.

Lately I’ve been thinking a LOT about marriage.  I feel like the Lord has prepared my heart to be the heart of a wife and a mother.  In fact, I can’t really think of many things that I desire more than that.  Yet, here I am single.  I know that 21 is a very young age, and that I “don’t need to be worried about getting married”, yadda yadda yah.  But I feel like it’s a part of me already, that I’m going to be those things, even though I’m no where close to getting married (I don’t have a ring on my finger, nevertheless a guy on my arm).

I find a lot of comfort in 1 Corinthians 7, where Paul points out that the different between a married person and an unmarried person is that the married person is not only working to fulfull the desires of God, but their spouse:

32 But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; 33 but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.

I hear a lot that God is preparing a husband for me, but I think more now that God is preparing me to be a wife to somebody.  As much as I think my desires are undistractingly for the Lord (yes I made that word up), I am constantly humbled and shown that I still care a lot for the world.  I know this will be a constant struggle for the rest of my life (hence why my life verse is Mark 8:36).  I know that the Lord will bring a me to a man when he finds that my heart can handle balancing the desires for the Kingdom and for my husband…not that the two are completely seperated, but let’s be honest marriages are hard and distracting from God even if you’re a saint.  I mean, Paul said so right there in the Bible (take that as hard evidence!)

Anyway, as discouraged as I am watching my friends get married or in relationships…I remind myself that ultimately my life is to honor and glorify the LORD.  If it’s his will (and I feel it is) it will happen, in His time.

Please just let it be before I graduate in a year.

I mean whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? ;)

I told you this would be girly.

I Will Wait For You

fun video, identity, love

When you speak, I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom.
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses.
Your faith will remind me of Abraham.
Your confidence in God’s word will remind me of Daniel.
Your inspriation will remind me of Paul.
Your heart for God will remind me of David.
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah.
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph.
And your ability to abandon your own will will remind me of the disciples.
But your abilitiy to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won’t need to identify you by any special “Matthews” or any special “Marks” ’cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.
And you will know me, and you will find me
with the boldness of Esther
meets the warm closeness of Ruth
with the hospitality of Lydia
as aligned with the submission of Mary which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah.
I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31
Waiting for you.
But to my Father,
my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth
Only if you should see fit.

Watch the whole thing. This is my favorite excerpt. The ending stinks, to be honest. But stinks in a way that every woman needs to remember. You are waiting on that man, but first you are waiting on the Lord. Even if I never marry, I’m already engulfed in the biggest love story I will ever experience. God has been showing me lately how crazy his grace is, how he sought me and bought me with his redeeming grace. It stinks to think of the possibility of never having an “earthly love”, but I remind myself that no man could love me like the Lord does anyway ;)

Glad I didn’t miss chapel…

college, god, identity, love

Today God really reminded me of how much he loves me.  His love for me is extravagant and just more that I can ever imagine.  His love is more intimate than any other friend’s love for me.  I don’t even choose to be loved by Him, He loves me no matter what.  His love is amazing, and stronger than any other love I have ever known.  It’s overwhelming and enticing.  It’s irresistible.  It’s grace-filled.  It’s mighty.  It covers all of my sin and is greater than all the “good” things I have done put altogether.  It’s not contingent on what others think of me.  It is not dependent on any other factor than God’s mercy.  It’s just…God.  God IS love.

Whose Am I?

identity, love

This is kind of a cute story, but as my beautiful friend Cheralynn has been telling me, never discredit the Lord’s work in your life.

Last week, I ran out of yellow highlighter. This was a TRAGEDY for me, hah! I didn’t want to highlight in my book in any other color, especially since I had already started in yellow. When it happened, I was by my friend Eric. I joked with him, “The first guy to buy me a yellow highlighter gets to be my husband. So if anyone wants me, tell them to get me a yellow highlighter!” He laughed and texted someone this, as a joke of course.

A few days later, I look in my pencil box (technically a crayon box, but it holds pencils and such) for my stupid orange highlighter. What do I find? A yellow highlighter! Now, no one can get in my box, because it’s always in my book bag near me. So how did it get there? Automatically, I felt like it was a God-thing.

Now, I’m not saying that God physically put that there. I could have overlooked that highlighter, not known I put it in there (my mom gave me a load of office supplies this summer!). But it was fresh, clean, never-used, and I think that it was God reminding me whose I am. He romanced me by bringing me this silly, insignificant highlighter so that he could prove to me that I’m His and unclaimed by others.

Later that night, I opened my Bible and felt like there was something specific that God wanted to show me. I flipped and flipped, fighting my huge fan that blows like 70 miles per hour wind. Finally, it blew me to Psalm 45:

1My heart overflows with a good theme;
I address my verses to the King;
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.
2You are fairer than the sons of men;
Grace is poured upon Your lips;
Therefore God has blessed You forever.
3Gird Your sword on Your thigh, O Mighty One,
In Your splendor and Your majesty!
4And in Your majesty ride on victoriously,
For the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness;
Let Your right hand teach You awesome things.
5Your arrows are sharp;
The peoples fall under You;
Your arrows are in the heart of the King’s enemies.
6Your throne, O God, is forever and ever;
A scepter of uprightness is the scepter of Your kingdom.
7You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness;
Therefore God, Your God, has anointed You
With the oil of joy above Your fellows.
8All Your garments are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia;
Out of ivory palaces stringed instruments have made You glad.
9Kings’ daughters are among Your noble ladies;
At Your right hand stands the queen in gold from Ophir.
10Listen, O daughter, give attention and incline your ear:
Forget your people and your father’s house;
11Then the King will desire your beauty.
Because He is your Lord, bow down to Him.
12The daughter of Tyre will come with a gift;
The rich among the people will seek your favor.
13The King’s daughter is all glorious within;
Her clothing is interwoven with gold.
14She will be led to the King in embroidered work;
The virgins, her companions who follow her,
Will be brought to You.
15They will be led forth with gladness and rejoicing;
They will enter into the King’s palace.
16In place of your fathers will be your sons;
You shall make them princes in all the earth.
17I will cause Your name to be remembered in all generations;
Therefore the peoples will give You thanks forever and ever.

As I began reading, I was just amazed. I thought to myself, this is the kind of man that I want–gracious, victorious, righteous. After saying that, I realized that it was talking about The King, God. This reminded me, in a time where I really needed it, that no guy could even have my heart unless they were like The King. And man, did I fall in love with God over again! And then towards the end, it talked about how The King desires His daughters’ beauty, that she was all glorious within. This really just warmed my heart and confirmed my highlighter. No man could have my heart unless The King had it first; no man would be able to give me anything that The King didn’t give me first, even if it is a highlighter.
The Lord romances us in interesting ways. Never discredit those ways.