Hi, my name is Heather, and I’m a failure at commitment.
No, this post is not about my love life. Although it historically applies.
At 24 years old, I guess you can’t ask a whole lot of me. Most people my age still haven’t had their first full-time job; in fact, they are finishing up their 4-year degrees after 6 years. Ha.
I haven’t had the same job for more than 18 months…which is sad. When things got tough, I moved to the next thing. This is true in friendships, relationships with guys, and even family relationships.
I had to do this for a while–learn how to make healthy cuts in life. I’m so afraid of falling into a pattern of addiction (like 95% of my family) that I refuse to be tied to something. Two months ago, I quit coffee cold-turkey to prove that I wasn’t addicted–the thought of even caffeine addiction repulses me.
But a year ago, I decided to make some changes.
So, I tried to date (fail. fail. fail). I figured I should probably try commitment in some different ways before I made that one.
I moved to Indianapolis, a huge commitment–moving to a city where I knew nobody. You can’t just run away from that.
I took a full-time ministry position, deciding to commit for the first time to just one job, with no “side jobs.”
I even quit a youth ministry website that I loved, knowing that I had to put all my time in one place and quit running around trying to balance 2973 things on my plate at once.
I then stopped sub-leasing and leasing with roommates and got my own place. I’m not the type of person that would break a contracted lease–ain’t nobody got money for that.
I got a cat. Okay, don’t laugh at me, but this is huge–I’m the type of person that is so independent, dependence annoys me. So, part of being a woman that commits means committing to having a creature depend on me. Huge deal.
I guess you could say that in 8 short months, I’ve made a lot of big commitments. I’m sure that some people read this and go “big whoop, you’re growing up.” As one of my co-workers used to tell our teenagers, every day is about “growing up a little bit more.” I recognize that this is true at 14, 24, 54, and beyond.
So I write this to encourage you–are you truly committed? Or are you “subleasing” life?