The Worldy Value of Having a BFF


The other day my mentor and I met, and although we rarely get to see each other, we are constantly blessing one another.  Our friendship is proof that relationships with other humans do not need to be based on conditions, nor do you need to go out of your way to prove your love for someone.  When two people are in Christ, relationships can be made easier and more fruitful.
One lie that I had been struggling with is the fact that I don’t have a “best friend” anymore.  I have gone through many “best friends,” and “broke up” with my constant for the last 15 years more than six months ago.  I’ve been very upset about our situation, and have only talked to few people about it.  I honestly don’t understand why.  Perhaps I am embarrassed—I acted as if I didn’t need a best friend here at SBU because I had someone back home.  But as we grew older and changed, we grew apart.
I have many fruitful relationships for which I am very blessed.  I have friends who I am close with.  But my mentor and I talked about how I struggle with the need to give someone that title of best friend.  What does that title even mean?  It means that I always hang out with them, that I’m never without them, that part of my identity as a person is tied to them.
Wait, I don’t want that.
My mentor is also an extrovert, and she stated she didn’t have a best friend either.  We talked about it and really thought this through—both of us struggle with it and neither of us really understood it.  We realized that the need for a best friend wouldn’t really help us as people.  One, I don’t want my identity tied to a human being.  Sorry to all the lovely people reading this, but I don’t want you to define me.  Secondly, I get bored hanging out with the same people over and over again.  Once again, I’m super sad I have to say this to you.  I like variety in my life, and want to spread my awesomeness to as many people as I can ;).  But most importantly, I don’t want someone else expecting those things from me.  I fail quite a bit, and I don’t want someone’s identity crumbling because I screwed up; I don’t want to hurt someone when I decide to hang out with someone else and not invite them.  I’ve been hurt by those things in the past, and I don’t want that for life.
I also feel like those aren’t Godly things.  Our identity is to be found in Christ, not man.  Christ, while on earth, did not tie himself to one group of people.  Yes, Jesus had people that he developed close relationships with; he had people who he discipled on a personal level and invited to travel with him to minister.  Yet Christ took time to go pray alone, and even to go talk to others without them (Hello, Samaritan woman?).
I want fruitful relationships.  The relationship that I have with my mentor is fantastic, and I have many more like them.  But I don’t find my identity in any of them.  If you have been following my blog for a while, you know that I used to find my identity in the affirmation of others.  I don’t want that anymore.  If that means not having a “BFF”, I’m “toates” okay with that.

One thought on “The Worldy Value of Having a BFF

  1. Heather, this is absolutely wonderful. I struggled with this after leaving SBU and moving to OBU. I had so many friends who would say, my best friend this…my best friend that, while we were together. It hurt. So I'm not as good as friends to you as someone else? Anyway, this is great. I just may share it on my blog :) Thank you!

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