I’m going to freak out for a little minute.
I hope you don’t mind.
I graduate in less than 200 days. 199 to be exact. And I’ve been counting down for a while now. A. WHILE. It’s getting closer. And closer. It won’t let up.
Part of me is excited–I get to go literally wherever I want and do whatever I want. I can move out of this small town and move to a city! I won’t be in undergrad anymore (I feel like a babysitter to freshmen now). I will have a degree that will mean something financially! (pshhh)
Most of me is terrified–What if I make the “wrong” choice? How will I pay for this? What if no one will hire me because I’m a girl? My resume is nice, but is it good ENOUGH?! How will I beat all the boys? Do I need to get married soon to continue in this field? WHEN will I get married? Am I going to be single forever? Lord, don’t make me like Paul or Jesus! God forbid! What seminary should I go to? Should I continue this Southern Baptist tradition, who won’t let me teach outside of small churches or being called “Youth DIRECTOR”? Should I go somewhere that lines up strictly with my views, or more liberal? My top 5 choices are in Louisville, Chicago, L.A., and New Orleans…can you all tell how scattered I am?! In fact, that was only 4 choices! I can’t even count!!! How am I going to pay for this?! (I repeated this, but it’s important…and I can’t even count.) Are my grades good enough for scholarships? Do I really think I’m as smart as some of my friends who have gone off to Seminary? What will I do about my current position at Grace? I’m starting to like this small town (gasps go off around me).
Time to make some decisions. The Lord isn’t giving me clarity on anything at this moment, and I feel like I need to figure out everything NOW.
And I know this sounds ridiculous…but I feel like I’m deciding the rest of my life. Usually where people go to grad school, they end up staying.
And this might sound more ridiculous (especially to all who know how independent and self-sufficient I am)…but I kind of wish I had that “ring by spring” so that a man could make all of my decisions for me. Like, it would help me if I had a husband to dictate. Gasps again.
What is happening to me?!?!
Okay, I’m done rambling. Again.